A man’s deepest core desire is to be confident. Whether we realize it, the passion for it is what we all have in common. Confidence is the most desired quality by men. No matter how we realize it, we long for it more than anything else.
We are motivated by this drive to fulfill our conventional desires. We seek a high-paying job, a romantic partner, a fit body, or psychological and emotional healing to feel confident about ourselves. We are very concerned with feeling effective and being respected in the world.
There might be some people who are innately able to do this. However, most people need to work on their self-confidence. It is essential to keep this in mind. The good news is, that it is something everyone can do.
“Confidence” can be described as a blend of worth, trust, and bandwidth. We mean that someone seems confident that they seem sure of themselves. They display an air of self-love and assertiveness, which comes from knowing their worth and value as individuals and their ability to handle difficult situations and perform well.
Understanding what might prevent you from feeling confident present you from feeling confident can help you understand why we are taking the approach below. As we all experienced confidence at some point, I say “rebuild” or “remember.”. Unfortunately, we also developed beliefs or habits that tainted our original sense of okayness.
Developing false beliefs is the first thing that brings us down. This might have happened when something or someone (usually in our early childhood) made us feel unimportant, worthless, bad, dumb, weak, or otherwise “not OK” as you were.
As opposed to the feeling leaving you and you reset to move on with your life, the thought of “I’m not enough/good/loveable” sticks to the back of your brain and filters into everything you do. It weakens your sense of self-worth and natural ability to assert yourself and sows doubt in your mind.
As you grow up, you don’t feel naturally confident because embedded in your fundamental model reality; there’s an idea that “I’m defective and unlovable.” It becomes a shameful core that you are afraid people will see, so you perceive yourself as always having to conceal your faults. Essentially, you do this without even realizing it. Instead, you feel anxious and less attractive, valuable, or important than others. Lack of respect for yourself is another common cause of losing confidence.
You’ll never feel confident if you don’t feel proud of yourself, what you do, and how you behave. You respect yourself as a component that doesn’t require anything out of you or even more. It’s about realizing that you’re a fundamentally good person and loving yourself exactly the way you are. You are gaining access to the goodness within you.
Do you want to achieve healthier habits and reach your goals? Are you taking care of yourself? Consume junk food, masturbate every day, avoid social contacts, and complain like a victim of your life?
Similarly, it’s challenging to feel confident, or even reliable, when you’re not being trustworthy – both to others and yourself. How often do you lie to others? What about making promises that you repeatedly break? How often do you fail to accomplish what you say you want and passively make excuses to let yourself off the hook?
You would feel confident on a bridge if you knew that you could rely on it to stay upright without buckling if you stood on it. That is, you would feel confident in its integrity.
In the same vein, we need to be confident in ourselves. Whenever we feel that we can depend on ourselves (and others) to handle a load, we feel secure. Last but not least, self-respect comes from being able to perform and be effective.
Do you lack the experience and skills necessary to accomplish basic tasks like exercising, making friends, getting the job you want, or getting uncomfortable? Are our discomfort and pain a fear for you? How do you handle discomfort, seek familiar comforts, or lean into the fires of life?
Skills and abilities are significant contributors to our sense of worth and capability. When we don’t advance and develop our skills and feel unable to do even basic things like socialize or take care of ourselves, we might feel useless or ineffectual, which can cripple our confidence.
True, authentic confidence can still be achieved despite all of these challenges. Good news and bad news are both to be found here. The bad news is that there are no shortcuts and that this is a challenging process. Nowhere will you be able to read and automatically gain confidence. You will need to work on both your insides and outsides.
Even though it is difficult, you have a clear path to follow. You will go through ups and downs on this journey, but the results you achieve will make it the most rewarding adventure of your life. Developing your confidence can start today if you start with these four highest-leverage core paths.
Almost nothing can ever knock you off track when you realize your purpose and mission in life – or North Star because you exist for a purpose beyond any external possessions or relationships.
There will be things and people you need to help you accomplish your mission. However, I am just referring to your most profound sense of worth and direction won’t be based on material things or other people’s approval.
The confidence we’re talking about here arises from a permanent transformation of the soul – or your essential psychic identity – that cannot be destroyed by material loss or misfortune.
You are a man who stands on his own two feet in the world with a North Star, and you know where you’re going. When you focus on meaningful work and healthy relationships, you are less likely to be distracted and detoured.
Reflection and experimentation are necessary to find this. However, the thought experiment of winning the lottery can reveal a few helpful signposts.
If you were to take a walk right now and find a lottery ticket worth $500 million on the sidewalk, how would you feel?
If you could go on a world tour for the next year with no restrictions, buy a helicopter, drink 200-year-old wine on top of a castle at sunset, sleep with whoever you want, and have all the material experiences you could dream of, what would you do? Now what? That was the question at the end of that year.
What would you do with the rest of your life if money were no object and you had all your worldly desires met? When you start to realize what your heart truly desires with your limited time on earth, you can make sense of what truly matters to you.
You may also be committed to several different things during your lifetime, or you may change what you end up doing over the years. Nevertheless, this exercise can help clarify the values that are the foundation of all those missions and projects.
When you connect with this North Star, you embark on a hero’s journey that is personal and meaningful to you. Rather than acquiring everything and checking off the boxes society has conditioned you to check – like a drone in a hive – your purpose shifts to expressing your unique potential and helping others in a way that only you can do. Ensure essential tasks are completed.
In addition to knowing where you want to go, effectiveness and skillfulness are essential aspects of confidence and believing in your ability to succeed. You feel fulfilled when you finish things – be it small tasks, large projects, or tough conversations with people.
Simply by cleaning your room, removing unneeded clothes, or finishing a home/work assignment, you demonstrate you are in control and responsible.
When you finish these tasks, the same reward chemicals are released by your brain as they are when you complete your first sale or build a house. However, the bigger the mental and emotional payoffs are, the more work and effort you will have to put in on the front end.
Right when you look around at your life, you will see piles of crazy wrecks that expect your thought. A passive attitude toward life, being overly distracted, or the inability to follow through on things are the leading causes.
Instead of a mature and passionate king, a lazy, entitled prince would operate that way. To feel like his best, most confident self, a man needs to develop his “king energy”.
All that unfinished business in life is a great place to start looking. Attacking the “king energy” is the last frontier of what a man must learn as that drain your sense of confidence and puts you in a better headspace to explore and experiment with your North Star.
You can do something as simple as compiling a list of every task you need to accomplish right now. Which tasks need to be completed? Where are you slacking? Have you run any errands lately? Is there anything you need to fix?
Procrastination and a messy home lead to the same results as unfinished conversations with other people in our lives. We avoid directly addressing unsaid thoughts and feelings with friends, family, and co-workers because we fear the discomfort of facing things head-on and moving forward.
We avoid stepping fully into our power and ourselves as a result. The anxiety we experience keeps us in the passenger seat, so to speak, rather than giving us control over the steering wheel. Therefore, it’s essential to.
The first point on this list can sometimes be the most challenging, as it is typically not as straightforward as making a list of ‘To-Do’s’ and taking action. Bringing things to completion, or pursuing your North Star, could be achieved by quietly working away on your own and completing defined tasks.
However, telling the truth means facing messy, unpredictable conversations – with others and yourself – where you risk your comfort, self-image, and approval. It sometimes requires exposing mistakes and more difficult parts of your mind. It may also require you to examine your behavior and take responsibility for your shortcomings.
If you are a habitual liar or withhold information, you usually try to hide something or gain something. They are both manipulations. In most cases, you’re just trying to stay out of trouble, avoid getting into trouble, and make sure no one gets mad at you or thinks you’re weird or a loser. The bottom line: You’re hiding
Rather than hiding, you should expose yourself and tell the truth. This will lead to a lot of positive things happening. First of all, you finally begin to have genuine relationships. So far, you’ve been playing games and showing a mask up until that point. You cannot ultimately see or feel connected to other people (whether they know it or not) and vice versa.
Second, you become more confident, at ease, and comfortable in the world because you are not hiding so much. In this process, you begin to dispel the negative internal beliefs we talked about earlier – like the idea that you’re not enough or that you’re not lovable, just the way you are. By releasing all the stuck energy you were holding in by putting up a front and playing a role, you can relax and feel loved and seen for who you are.
In addition to telling the truth to others, you should tell the truth to yourself. A core wound around worthiness is one reason to become fruitlessly hard on yourself. Taking a passionate look in the mirror and saying, “This is bullshit”, is another matter. It’s not that hard. The low standards you’re accustomed to can’t be tolerated anymore. You’re better than this.”
Be honest about how you truly feel about yourself and your life – for better or worse. People who look out for our best interests and don’t tolerate mediocrity are respected and trusted. It feels more robust and more confident when you do the same thing for yourself and take action.
No matter how connected you are to purpose and how healthy your community is, the storms and struggles of life still happen. You’ll inevitably be knocked down and experience setbacks.
The only thing that changes is your resolve to keep going no matter what. To move through life in this way and bolster our confidence, we should cultivate the warrior archetype in our psyche. As a warrior, you have to be courageous, and engaged, never back away, and give up.
Our forward momentum can be applied to all aspects – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Even when you want to coast and be lazy, warrior energy will force you to eat better and exercise, sit down to be productive, or get up earlier.
Negative emotions are not allowed to fester, or resentment is never held. Honour, truth, integrity, completion, and connection are more important than comfort and self-compromise.
Warriors recognize and combat small-time thinking and behavioural patterns that limit success and self-expression. A lack of warrior energy might be another major contributing factor to your lack of confidence or satisfaction with yourself.
Even when you’re not moving, you can tell when you’re living on cruise control. When you’re expanding, your more excellent mind will be able to tell.
Fortunately, if you’re feeling low on that scale, you can make a massive shift without taking long. Getting your warrior energy going will give you a huge boost right away. Exercise and organizational discipline can be improved with simple steps, or relationship issues can be patched up (or maybe even cut off altogether).
Leaving behind all the stories, attachments, and mindsets that are keeping you idle is the more profound work. We tend to cling to familiar circumstances and beliefs because they give us a sense of everyday comfort and identity, even if they don’t serve our happiness.
The only way forward is to let go of everything that is tying us up and welcome the impermanence and inevitable change of every situation with open arms.
I’m not confident yet, so… how long until I am?
Even though this is a long-term project and way of living, you will soon see results and benefits. Doing these things leads to confidence. As the charge builds, it is also felt immediately, serving as fuel to keep you moving forward.
It’s like finding an Easter egg full of power and confidence every time you accomplish something like beating laziness, crossing off projects, or practising telling the truth. Everyone has different stages, with different things to work on, so some may require more time than others.
But know that nobody feels 100% confident 100% of the time. There are times when everyone backslides or feels low or forgets what they are worth for a moment. However, they know what makes them feel good and how to regain their momentum.
Everyone must keep going, no matter where they are in life – whether they have never felt confident or have always been confident. Cycling works the same way as confidence. Slowing down or sitting still will cause you to wobble and fall over. Keeping your feet moving will help you gain momentum and stay upright.
Don’t stop turning the pedals. Keep doing these four things.
©2022 by Laudee Group