It’s time to bid Casper farewell!
I felt used by someone I cared about when they ghosted me. Like a piece of gum on the side of the road, I felt chewed up, spit out, and tossed aside.
How could that be possible, from daily contact to being treated like I didn’t exist? Having such a strong connection with someone who had mistreated me was embarrassing. The questions that swirled in my head were painful, and I could not find the answers. Having been ghosted, I searched for answers on Auntie Google as any 21st Century woman would.
People have been ghosted so many times that a quick search revealed that many had been victims. The internet is loaded with stories like mine. Their hearts are wounded, good intentions are offered, and judgments are made.
● Put it behind you! He has given you the closure you need with his silence.
● The man is a narcissist. Congratulations on escaping!
● It wasn’t a good idea to get attached so quickly! Next time, be more cautious.
Although this may seem like good advice, there is one glaring flaw. As a result of the loss of someone I loved, I was grieving.
My body couldn’t simply shake it off and pretend I wasn’t hurt. That wasn’t possible. By papering over the cracks, you cannot get over being ghosted. One cannot instantly forget someone they love using a magic pill. You must grieve, just as if you had broken up with someone.
● Do you need to grieve the person who ghosted you? No.
● Do you think you should suffer the relationship you had together? Yes.
What is the best way to cope with being ghosted? This is what worked for me:
When you are ghosted, you are likely to feel depressed. There is no way out of the pain other than feeling it. Accept the pain. Take it all in. Let it all sink in. There is no shame in admitting you were hurt. This could have happened to anyone.
It is healthy to let your feelings out when you cry, and it is a natural step toward healing. According to Harvard Health Publishing, emotional tears improve our immune system by flushing stress hormones and toxins out of our bodies. We also release endogenous opioids (endorphins) through tears, which relieve emotional and physical pain.
On the other hand, repressing tears can be harmful to your health. There is evidence that repressive coping can manifest negatively in cardiovascular disease, hypertension, weakened immunity, and depression.
I don’t suggest you cut the tires off Casper’s car; that will land you in jail and look crazy. However, I do approve of your anger. We feel so much better when angry because we have some sense of control. You were treated like crap by this individual. That wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t okay! What are some healthy ways to get angry? It can be done in several ways.
● Getting physical can help you burn off pent-up energy. It helps to do cardio exercises that get your heart pumping – running, dancing, boxing, etc.
● A healthy display of anger is not responding to someone who ghosted you. By ghosting you, they deemed you unworthy of a goodbye. It is now up to you to decide what to do with them. Speak no more, speak no less.
● Pen and paper won’t judge you for what you write down. To be honest and furious as you want, it’s your own space. It would be best if you didn’t share it with anyone. Flow with your rage so it doesn’t consume your heart and mind.
Don’t keep your feelings bottled up if you want to overcome being ghosted. Your healing process will be accelerated if you express them.
A shared problem can be halved, as the adage goes. Discuss with a trusted friend your feelings. A therapist can help you if you can afford one. The experience of being ghosted can be harrowing, and getting professional help can help you cope.
Write down your feelings if you are not comfortable expressing them to another person. You can express your true thoughts through writing, and it acts as a safe space for you to do so. Be honest and put your heart out on paper. Let your anger out. Feel sad. It doesn’t matter to anyone.
Alternatively, you can write the ghost a letter. Say everything you need to say, but don’t send it. They won’t be able to tell how much you hurt them if they know it. Please put it in a healing ritual rather than tearing it up.
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade “— Elbert Hubbard.
We learn more about ourselves and others when we have more relationships. Bad things will inevitably happen at times. Fortunately, there are always two options:
a) Allow the wrong things to ruin our lives; or
b) Pick out any valuable nuggets of wisdom from the bad stuff, then move on.
Option a) makes us feel powerless.
Option b) makes us feel empowered.
The ghosting taught me to take things more slowly in the future. Many people are wolves in sheep’s clothing, and we shouldn’t always take their words at face value. My trust will now be offered in installments; men who want to open my heart will have to work hard.
You need to be tolerant and give yourself space to grieve if you are ghosted by someone you care about. Healing takes time, just like any other kind of grieving. Recovering takes courage, patience, and time.
You might feel like you’re moving forward and backward simultaneously. Being frustrated is perfectly natural from time to time. Time does heal all wounds (but that’s a cliche). Eventually, the injuries that have hurt you will heal and become a lot less raw.
Being ghosted is something you can get over, but you can’t do it without acknowledging that it hurts. When there isn’t closure after a breakup, the pain is multiplied a millionfold.
When a relationship ends without explanation, so many questions remain unanswered. It is essential to work through your feelings. You’ll feel better after a while, and you’ll no longer be haunted by someone who ghosted you.
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